For many years my husband has been relatively estranged from his Dad. In June his
Dad’s wife died. It was at this time we learned that neither had completed end of life
planning though they had stated this was completed years ago. I assisted my
father in law with getting hospice and thankfully she had a peaceful death. Fast forward
to the present. Father in law has a stroke and ends up in hospital. It is discovered that
there is no trust no DNR, no POA etc. so we were asked to step in once again not
knowing what his wishes were regarding end of life. He had multiple pets with no
arrangements or records. He had a will with an executor that we did not know. Due to
the severity of the stroke we opted for comfort care and he passed away peacefully.
Now is the after. Enlisting all kinds of help and resources to place vulnerable pets who
had not had care in years. Working through barriers raised by parties who knew nothing
of situation or difficult familial relationships. Waiting on will to go through probate and
then watching his personal possessions auctioned with proceeds being donated to a
university he has not been a part of since the 70s.
An all too common end of life tale. Yet at least a miracle of finding loving homes for the
pets occurred and both deaths of their human owners were peaceful despite having to
be facilitated by the very family from which they had become estranged. Thankfully, it is
easy to let the “stuff” go and have peace over the quality of their last days which
unfortunately was not the case when my own Dad passed in December.
The thing of note is what happens for those who are left behind. Yet another reminder
how important end of life planning is for loved ones. We don’t live forever, our families
cannot guess our wishes for or against heroic measures, our animals need advocates in
case we are gone, and it is important to know emergency contact information for our
family and friends.
End of Life planning for the average person is affordable and in some cases free. The
time required to complete designation of a POA is minimal. Fear of death is the usual
reason for delay. With planning. I propose that the fear of not having your wishes
honored possibly resulting in a medical condition you would never want, the chance that
your animals will not be placed in good homes and could end up in shelters or worse
and the agony of having your possibly prized possessions sold at auction to strangers
should be more fearful than death. Then there is the stress, grief and pain your family
and friends will experience not only facing your death but the mess you left behind.
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